Instagram is neck and neck with Twitter for my favorite social media platform. Something about being able to scroll through a feed of awesome pictures makes this girl pretty happy. Maybe it’s the five year old in me enjoying the fact I don’t have to read anything. But sometimes I really hate Instagram. Sure, I could just quit using it. But guys … I love Instagram. And I ain’t no quitter. So I’m just going to bitch about it here to try to get it out of my system.
1. Let’s start with the “whoops-I-just-liked-this-picture-but-should-I-unlike-it?” issue. I know it’s happened to you one way or another. You’re scrolling through your feed and you swiftly double-tap a photo of [insert something you like here] a pair of beautiful neon running shoes … only to realize the caption reads “the culprit of my stress fracture”. Wait, I’m confused – am I supposed to like this picture? Because I feel guilty being a fan of those shoes that broke your foot. Do you WANT people to like it? Is it a pity picture? I don’t get it.
2. The god awful food pictures. 3X a day. Don’t get me wrong – I love a great photo of jaw-dropping, incredible food. But the close-up of a bowl full of food that’s unrecognizable? And overnight oats / OIAJ? Not doing it for me. If the food isn’t pretty (or can’t be salvaged with a filter) it doesn’t deserve a life on Instagram.
3. An excessive amount of selfies. Selfie when you wake up, selfie with your coffee, selfie after your run, selfie on the train, selfie at your desk at work, etc. ALL IN ONE DAY. Guess who wants to see all of those? No one. Just stop.
4. Instagram is NOT a photo album. You do not need to upload every single picture you take with your phone to Instagram. You know where is a good place to do that? Facebook. Take your 30+ photos per day to Facebook. I’m sure people won’t love it on there either, but at least they can block you.
5. “Too Much of a Good Thing” actually exists. I’ll let you in on one of my secrets to following people. I view the profile and focus on the top 6 pictures. For example, if 4 out of 6 photos are of your dog or child, I probably won’t follow (unless I know you IRL) ((my niece makes hilarious faces like this, so I won’t be unfollowing my sister))
Anyway, yes, that’s my black heart talking. I don’t like children or babies (black heart!!) so unless I’m related to you – probably not interested in seeing a billion pictures of them. I try to follow this rule myself because as much as I think that Sox is OMG THE MOST ADORABLE PUPPY IN THE WORLD, I’m sure everyone prefers variety over puppy-in-the-face 24/7.
This means I can throw a puppy picture in here, right? How bout two? Okay.
6. Eleventy billion hashtags. What is the purpose of that? To gain more followers? #TAGSFORLIKES #INSTASUMMER #INSTAGOOD. How about #STFU? Pretty sure no one is on Instagram searching any of the 10 tags you JUST MADE UP. This includes #omgnomnomnomholyyum
I think that’s all for now. It’s safe to say I probably have a little unfollowing action to do in the near future. Maybe I’m being too harsh and snarky. But you know what? I like what I like and that’s it.